


smile.

by itzee



Series: me being sad [6]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Gen, Graphic Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Suicide, accidental suicide, im sorry, really graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:06:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzee/pseuds/itzee
Summary: where felix cuts and ends up losing control.
Series: me being sad [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832647
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	smile.

**Author's Note:**

> this can be vv triggering so pls read the tags!!  
> also im sorry if there is any mistake, i wrote this at 3 something in the morning and read it like once so :/  
> also what gave me the idea of writing this is boy meets evil (lowkey lol)  
> enjoy!!

Felix found himself sitting on his bed, a blade in his right hand as he was going to start damaging his skin once more.

At this point it had practically became an everyday routine, and it was also the only thing he could think about throughout the day, the only thing that could make him feel okay and safe.

His members didn't know, of course they didn't, if they knew they would tell their manager almost instantly, and for Felix, it was the worst thing that could ever happen to him.

But for some reasons, just the fact that he could get caught and that he was doing things that weren't okay made him feel practically alive.

After looking at his thigh, he tried to see where he would start cutting, he didn't really have a lot of options anyways since his left thigh was almost completely full of scars, and that he didn't want to create a mess by cutting again at the same spots.

After finding the perfect place, he looked at his blade -it was a new one, and it was pretty expensive, but it was all worth it because it was the sharpest one he had ever found- and decided that he would try to test his boundaries by cutting a little deeper than he normally would.

And so he did just that, starting off with pretty small cuts, just to get used to the new blade on his hands -and also to try out just how sharp it was, not wanting to make too much of a mess because his members were a door away from him-.

After about five or so baby cuts, he started going deeper and deeper, trying all kinds of cutting methods; he would cut fast and deep and then cut slowly, watching the skin getting opened as the blade went trough his poor skin.

After a few cuts, he settled down with going slowly while cutting, as he couldn't really feel anything when he cut too fast -it was true that the faster it was, the deeper the cut would be, but Felix still decided not to do it, as he was afraid of going too deep-.

Each cut was deeper than the other, and each cut hurt just a little bit more than the other, but Felix wasn't satisfied yet, and while he knew that if he went just a little bit deeper he would have to get stitches, he couldn't control himself, as if someone else was now controlling his actions.

Blood was all over his bed sheets, some of it even dropping onto the floor, but Felix couldn't care less at that exact moment, practically obsessed with seeing blood come out of his skin.

It felt way too good, way too good for him to stop, not wanting to deal with the consequences just yet.

But he had to, so after a couple more cuts, he finally stopped, and it was at that exact moment that the worst thing he could ever think of happened to him.

"Lixie do you wan-" it was Jisung, who was now completely frozen because of the horrifying view he had.

Felix tried to speak, he tried to tell him not to call the others and that he was okay, but he couldn't, it was like he had completely lost his voice.

So instead, he tried to go to where Jisung was and close the door, but it was obviously a bad idea, because as soon as he got up, he fell on his back, blood getting everywhere.

After around twenty seconds of Jisung just staring at him (which felt like forever to both of the boys) he realised that he needed to do something as quickly as possible and decided to go to the living room, where the rest of the members were happily watching a movie, and tried to tell them about Felix.

But he couldn't, because as soon as he tried to speak, he started crying, not being able to form one correct sentence.

"Hey Ji, what happened? Why are you crying?" it was Chan, a worried look on his face.

"L-lix, h-he.." Jisung tried to tell them, he really did, but he suddenly didn't know how to speak Korean anymore, still being completely terrified at the sight of Felix on the floor, thigh completely opened.

"Did something happen to Felix?" Chan asked. The guys were already on their feet by now, some of them even trying to hug Jisung.

"G-go look..Room..G-ground..Big c-cuts.." As soon as he said that and that the other members understood what he was saying, they all rushed to Felix's room, only to find him on the floor with his left leg completely destroyed.

But it wasn't the cuts the were the worst thing they were looking at.

What creeped them out the most was Felix's face.

Because he wasn't showing any signs of pain.

Instead, he was smiling, the biggest smile they had ever seen on Felix's face.

And also the last one.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this instead of cutting.. one day clean.. yay!! *fake smile*  
> i dont wanna get help anymore, i jus want everyone to let me die slowly


End file.
